A Story About a Personal Debt Crisis

The following is a short story by Glen Doki

I have a problem.

I'm a wealthy man. I'm wealthy because i'm the Chief Executive of a major bank. Because i have such a prestigious position, my take-home income was $2,162,000 last year! Woohoo!

But i spend more than that. A lot more. Actually, i spent about $3,456,000 last year.

I finance these things using credit cards. Right now i'm carrying a revolving debt of $14,000,000. I know that sounds high, but don't worry your pretty little head about it. The things i finance are important. I have lots of children (some of whom are really irresponsible, BTW) and my aging parents to care for. Gosh, taking care of my parents' medical bills is 23% of my budget ($793,000), and i give them a stipend that's another 20% ($701,000). And security! My gosh, i spend a lot for my bodyguards--i think that's another 20% ($689,000) of my budget. If you add these things up, that's already $2,183,000--more than my income! And i haven't even bought any other basic necessities yet, or given my irresponsible children any money. And come on, who can live without splurging on himself a bit once in a while?

Here's the problem: I'm about to hit my credit limit! What on earth will i do then?

OMG, i know! I'm the goddamn CEO of the goddamn bank! I'll just raise my own credit card limit! Whew, why didn't i think of that earlier? Oh wait, i DID think of that earlier. In fact, i keep doing it, a couple times a year, and have been as long as anyone can remember. Muhahahaha!

Don't worry about this. Sure, it affects the bank's bottom line, but we cut costs--effectively reducing the amount each employee makes. It's really not a big deal. Accounting is always done assuming the value of the dollar never changes. Only those weird Austrian economists find some cockamamie way to relate my excess spending to inflation (paying my workers the same salaries but now the money buys less) as an "effective tax". Psht. The books say they're not losing anything, and that i'm not gaining anything, and numbers don't lie!

But wait, some young whippersnappers at my bank are seriously telling me i can't do this?? And i can't fire them? That's new...can't i at least make their lives hell? I know, i'll start a propaganda campaign.

These radicals are threatening our way of life! Seriously, how disrespectful could you be of our children and our parents and our bodyguards? They have served us with honor and it is simply blasphemous to even talk about cutting what they get at all. These things are basic RIGHTS, not privileges. Don't even waste my time talking about cutting spending, capping the credit limit, and balancing the budget. You're just being belligerent, and i will summarily reject any such suggestions. We are NOT going to do any gradual reductions. In fact quite the opposite! I'm going to give them MORE next year, and every year from now on. I have to. My way of life depends on it! Think about the prestige i would lose! My credit rating might even drop! Surely you agree i don't deserve that!

And wait just a second here. They aren't even willing to let me raise our limit just a little bit, to give us a little breathing room? We can talk about it again in a month or two. I know i have been saying that for over 30 years now but still...why aren't they willing to compromise at all? It's not like this is a moral issue or anything. How completely unreasonable of them! I need my financing, and frankly i'm really frustrated that we're even TALKING about not raising my credit limit.

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